If I'm Lost Why Do I Feel Found?
by joyfulscorpio
Summary: AU. After being turned into a vampire-witch and not being able to control her powers, Bonnie is sent to the infamous Heretics for their help. There she meets the mysterious Enzo and ends up feeling a connection to him.


**A/N: I'm am finally back with more Bonenzo! I'm sooo sorry I've been part of the lack of Bonenzo fics this summer. But I think I finally got my groove back. So about this fic, it has been sitting in my drafts for months and now that my laptop works so I don't have to write in my email on my phone anymore, I decided to put this together/edit and post it. I honestly have no idea how long this will be or really the exact direction I want this to go. I have some ideas but I'm kinda just winging it. I'm definitely planning on writing more but let me know if you want more. Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Shoutout to the awesome magswoods on Tumblr for helping me choose between the titles :)**

 **Chapter 1**

As far as mansions went, this wasn't all that bad. Okay, who was she kidding? This was fantastic. It made Bonnie feel like an ant as she walked on the front step of the towering building, behind her two friends Damon and Stefan Salvatore.

Bonnie whistled. "Wow this make your guys' place look a dinky apartment."

Damon rolled her eyes. "Hey the Boarding House is big. This just happens to bigger because it needs to fit all of their egos."

"Yeah, because that's exactly the kind of thing we want to say about people we need help from." Stefan replied, knocking on the old grand door.

"Is that why you never lived here because you're afraid it wouldn't hold your ego?" Bonnie taunted Damon, earning a playful glare from him.

"Someone's coming." Stefan said, and then the door opened, revealing a lady that looked to be in her late thirties to forties, but immediately Bonnie knew that was a deception.

"Damon, Stefan. I'm so glad you made it here safely." The woman's gaze then caught Bonnie's. "You must be Bonnie Bennett. I'm Lily Salvatore, but you probably already guessed that. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've met members of your bloodline before. All great witches. I've also heard so much about you. From what Damon and Stefan tell me, it seems that you're already legend yourself."

Bonnie shifted uncomfortably from all the praise but smiled at her, holding her head high. "Thanks."

"Hello, Mother." Damon said.

"Hi." Stefan said warmly.

"Hello my dear sons. Please come in."

They went inside, and Bonnie couldn't help but compare this place to the Salvatore Boardinghouse. It was like a bigger, fancier version of it. They walked through the hallway filled with paintings and entered a big room that seemed be the living room, or at least one of them. Bonnie noticed that there were people sitting there who all then turned their heads toward her direction.

"Bonnie, this is my other family. Everyone, this is Bonnie Bennett."

The girl in question waved her hand at them. A girl with brown curly hair walked towards Bonnie, holding hands with a blonde girl.

"Hello, Bonnie. It's nice to meet you." She led her hand out for her to shake.

"You too." She shook her hand and instantly gasped at the feeling it gave her. Bonnie had never felt anything like it. It was like what she usually felt whenever she first touched a vampire, feeling darkness and death. But then after a second of it was a sudden burst of magical energy.

This seemed to be funny to the girls since they both started to laugh. "Girls." Lily scolded.

They stopped laughing and both said, "Sorry."

"Why'd I feel that? I thought since I'm like you, I wouldn't get the feeling I would if I was still human."

"But that's the thing. You're not like us. You're much, much rarer."

"Which says a lot." The blonde said.

"Bonnie, this Nora and Mary Louise. They will be showing you around the place."

"Hi." Was what all Bonnie could say, feeling awkward.

Lily then pointed toward a tall, dark skinned man who was looking at Bonnie with a curious brow. "This is Beau."

He walked over to her and offered his hand to shake, she took it and shook his hand. "A pleasure. Welcome to the family."

Bonnie smiled at him. "Thanks."

"Damon!"

She turned to see a man walking from another hallway with a big smile and arms out wide.

"Oscar, still late to the party I see."

"You know I love to be fashionably late to a great party."

They hugged. Bonnie remembered Damon telling her on the way over about his friend Oscar who he met in the civil war when Lily sent the heretics to bring her boys to her. It didn't go all according to plan because her boyfriend at the time prevented them from joining the little family. But Lily and her new family eventually reunited with the Salvatore brothers.

A smaller man walked behind Oscar.

"Oscar and Malcom will help you two back in Mystic Falls."

"We don't need your pity." Damon said.

Stefan interjected, "We'll take all the help we can get. Thank you."

Another man then walked in and Bonnie noticed Damon tensed. "Enzo." He said, voice filled with emotion.

Enzo. Wait, wasn't that Damon's old cell mate who he left in a fire?

"Hello Damon. Long time no see."

"It's been a while. How's Mama Salvatore and her band of Heretics treating you?"

"Better than you."

Damon flinched. Enzo then turned his gaze toward her. He gave her a charming smile. "You must be Bonnie. Welcome to the family." He offered his hand out to which she took. Instead of shaking it he bent down and softly kissed it. "It's a pleasure meeting you."

Bonnie rolled her eyes and took her hand away. "I'm not Damon's girlfriend or anything. So you don't have to try so hard to use me to make him mad."

He laughed and looked at Damon. "I like her. She has fire."

"And 'she' is standing right here so you do t have to talk about me in third person."

He smiled at her. "My apologies."

After a few moments of silence, Lily turned toward her sons. "So how long will you two be staying?"

Stefan said, "Not long. We just came to drop Bonnie off. We still have a lot going on in Mystic Falls. But when it dies down, I promise we'll have a much longer stay."

Lily smiled at her son, touching his cheek. "Good. And bring your new girlfriend Caroline. I would love to meet her."

He smiled back before giving her a hug. She then turned toward Damon and touched his shoulder. "Drive safely okay and please call soon."

Damon nodded. "I will. Will you keep Bonnie safe okay?"

She smiled. "We will."

Damon then turned to Bonnie. "Be safe Bon Bon and if any of them hurt you, give the Hell."

She smiled before giving him a hug. "You know it."

Once letting go she turned to Stefan and gave him a hug as well. "Take care of Caroline for me while I'm gone, okay?"

"Of course. Stay safe. We'll be back soon. Call if you need anything."

"I will."

Bonnie then watched as her two friends started to head toward the door, leaving her with these strangers. A sinking feeling hit the pit of her stomach. She then turned around to see everyone staring at her.

Lily gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Dinner will be ready soon. Nora and Mary Louise will show you to your room."

Nora than grabbed Bonnie and locked her arms with hers before doing the same to Mary Louise. "Come on. You're going to love your bed. It has Egyptian sheets."

Bonnie gawked at her before looking around as she followed the girls out of the room. Everyone else went to do their own things. All except for Enzo who was still staring at her. Feeling unnerved, she turned her head forward and followed the girls up the grand stairs. Bonnie couldn't help but stare in wonder over the paintings and sculptures that were in the hallway upstairs. After a while they stopped at a room. Nora opened the door for her and Bonnie couldn't help but gawk.

"Wow."

Nora smiled triumphantly, "Told you. Now get yourself situated. Our room is just next door so knock when you're ready for us to take you to the kitchen."

Before she could reply, the two girls vampire sped away, leaving Bonnie alone in the gigantic room that would be hers for...well she didn't know how long. The sinking feeling in her stomach returned. After placing her suitcase by the antique dresser, she went over to the bed and plopped on it, back against the extremely soft blanket.

Bonnie sighed. As far as places went this definitely wasn't bad at all. But it was still hard for her to think of this place with too much fondness since all she wanted to do was to go back to Mystic Falls and help her friends with yet another threat. Because that's what Bonnie did. But now she was the threat. Or at least _a_ threat since apparently heightened vampire abilities and magic tie together was like becoming a bomb since she barely had any control of her emotions, let alone her magic. It took everything she had in her to leave her friends behind while they were still in the middle of chaos. But Bonnie knew it was best for them. She just didn't know if it was best for her. If anyone could help her, it'd be the infamous Heretics, but she wasn't sure if she could be helped.

She sighed again, trying to not let those depressing thoughts linger and get to her. Because if she did, then those comfortable Egyptian Cotton sheets would be burnt to a crisp without Bonnie being able to stop it. It was like when she first found out about being a witch with her not being able to control her powers. Though now it was like a thousand emotions crawling inside her all at once, all the while her powers trying to be let out. It was maddening and Bonnie was barely holding on by a thread. She didn't know if these Heretics could help. But she had to at least try. Right?

After slowly getting up from the bed, Bonnie began to unpack her clothes and put them into the nice dresser. Once she was done, she left her room and paused. Nora told her she was right next door, but there was a room on either side of hers. So letting out another sigh she decided to try door that was on her right. She knocked.

The door opened and it revealed to be Enzo.

"Oops, sorry, wrong room. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this isn't Nora's room."

"How'd you guess?"

"I'm psychic. Literally."

He chuckled, "I was just about to leave. I can take you to their room if you'd like."

Bonnie was about to decline, thinking she was pretty sure their room was on the left of hers. But then again knowing her luck she'd be wrong. Again. So she nodded and said, "Sure. Why the hell not? I'd probably get lost anyways."

He stepped out of his room and closed the door. "They're just down the corner." He pointed to the room two doors down from hers. So she was wrong. Good thing Enzo was there or she'd have to deal with accidentally going to the wrong room, again.

"Thanks. You don't have to walk me down. I think I got it from here."

"I don't mind. Unless you want me to leave?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Fair enough."

They were silent for a moment before Bonnie couldn't help but ask, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"How'd you end up here? Damon told me about the fire."

He looked at her in slight shock. "Damon told you about that?"

"Yeah. We were stuck in a prison world together and he ended up telling me about the time you two were imprisoned together. He told me he found out later that you survived."

"Lily and the Heretics found me."

He became silent for a moment and she immediately felt awkward.

They made it to the door. She turned to him. "Well thanks for walking me."

"My pleasure Bonnie Bennett." He bowed before vampire speeding away.

 **BEBEBEBE**

Dinner was...different. They had servers who served them a three course meal and kept on giving everyone glasses of alcohol. She figured it was to subside the vampire cravings, which really did help. They had really good bourbon, so that was a plus. She met Valerie, who Nora then gladly told her that she was Stefan's first love and purposely wasn't there when Stefan came. As far as exes of Stefan went, she definitely seemed better and Bonnie couldn't help but like her. In fact, even though she knew about the trouble they had caused in the past, Bonnie couldn't help but like everyone. They all were nice to her and made her feel welcomed, which helped calm her agitating nerves. All three girls had offered to teach her how to control her powers and vampire abilities in the morning.

The one family member that she became the most intrigued with was Enzo. Besides Lily, he was the only full vampire there and it seemed like there was a separation between him and the rest of the family. She couldn't figure out why she thought that since he seemed to get along with everyone well, him teasing Nora and Mary Louise and singing with Beau after dinner. There was just something about the way he sang while playing his guitar got to Bonnie. Yes he was an amazing musician, but it wasn't that. There was a certain...loneliness in the way he sang. She also noticed it whenever no else wasn't paying attention to him.

Overall her night went actually well. That was, however, until she slept.

The dream started out similarly like it usually did, her and her friends hanging out in the Salvatore's library, laughing. Then everything went into chaos until _he_ was by her side, caressing her face before everything went to black. Then it turned to red. Red everywhere as the feeling of exhilaration overtook her, his hand holding hers. Bodies. Bodies everywhere. Some faceless others... the faces of her friends. Matt. Caroline. Elena. The Salvatore brothers.

As realization started to dawn on her, he turned her still body to face him. "This is it Bonnie. We can finally be together. You can't deny what we have."

She pushed him out of her grasp and screamed, "No!"

"Bonnie. Bonnie, wake up."

Screaming. So much screaming. He was holding her again, she tried to push him off.

"Get away! Get off of me. Go away Kai!"

"Bonnie, Love, you're dreaming."

That voice. That wasn't Kai's voice. Her eyes shot open, as she gasped for air. Her eyes wandered to the strong arms that was holding her, reaching up to meet Enzo's gaze.

"Shhh. You're safe. Just breathe."

She was shaking against him. Wait... it wasn't her that was shaking, it was her bed.

Bonnie looked around and noticed her night stand moving.

She was doing this.

"It's okay. Just listen to the sound of my voice and breathe. You can control this."

She shook her head. "No I can't."

His grip tightened. "Yes you can. Just focus on me."

Her eyes found his gaze.

"Good. Now tell me something about yourself."

"What?"

"What's your favorite color?"

Was he serious? "Uh... Green."

"Like you're eyes. Fitting."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to help you. Now can you think of a song you like?"

"What?"

He gave her a pointed look. "Just humor me."

"Fine." She closed her eyes and tried to come up with a song, any song. "Ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no river high enough. To get me from getting to you babe." She began to softly sing.

He gave her a puzzled look. "What song is that?"

She gave him a confusing look in return, "You don't know that song? I thought you would, being a vampire and all."

"Yeah well I missed a few decades."

"Oh."

"Why'd you pick that song?"

"Because my Grams used to sing it to me whenever I was sad." A small smile brightened her face at the thought of her Grams singing to her. The shaking suddenly stopped.

"Phew." Someone else said, making Bonnie jump from Enzo's grasp. She looked over to her door and saw the family look at her with concern.

Lily walked over to her. "Bonnie, are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I just... had a bad dream."

Mary Louise scoffed. "More like a night terror."

"Mary Lou." Nora scolded.

"It's okay. Sorry, I've been having nightmares lately and they make it hard to control my powers."

Lily placed her a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave her a warm smile. "It's okay Bonnie. We understand. Everyone here has been through something similar. The girls will start to teach you control tomorrow."

"Okay." Was all Bonnie could say.

"Is there anything you need?"

"No I'm okay. Thanks."

"Okay. Well let us know if you need anything. See you in the morning."

They all left the room except for Enzo who was still sitting in front of her on the bed.

They were quiet for a few moments.

"You okay?" He asked gently.

"Peachy." She said sarcastically. "Thanks for... helping me."

"You're very welcome." Enzo looked like he was about to say something but then shook his head. He stood up. "I should go. Have a good night."

He then left the room.

Bonnie bit her lip but sinking in in her bed. She closed her eyes, trying desperately not to think of her nightmare.

 **BEBEBEBE**

The next day went pretty well. Breakfast was just as grand and delicious as dinner. Everyone tried to gage her in conversation. Well everyone accept Enzo who silently talked to Valerie and Beau who were on either side of him. Bonnie knew she was overreacting and being ridiculous, but a part of her felt like he was ignoring her and for some reason that bothered her.

"Yoga? Really?" Bonnie asked as she followed the three Heretic girls down a path in the backyard, holding a yoga mat.

"Yes yoga." Nora replied. "It helps the mind and body to become one. And in your case it helps your mind center to focus on the power inside you. It'll be great I promise."

Bonnie took in a deep breath before releasing it. "Fine, let's do this."

Nora led the session. It was a weird sensation for Bonnie since she had always only did yoga as a human. In ways it was completely different. One being that instead of feeling her joints burning and becoming soar, it felt invigorating pushing them farther and farther. Unfortunately, the high it gave her made her magic act up, more than once.

When she set a garden gnome on fire for the second time, Bonnie fell on the ground, sighing in frustration. "It's useless."

Valerie gave her a sympathetic look, "It's not a quick fix. You have to give it time."

"I know. It just feels... impossible."

"It does at first." Nora replied. "But once you get a handle on it, and you will, you'll feel like an unstoppable badass."

Bonnie snorted. She definitely didn't feel like a badass, more like a ticking time bomb.

"Try using your vampire senses to concentrate." Valerie said. "Like smell a flower and focus on its scent or listen to the birds chirping and focus."

Nodding, Bonnie closed her eyes and did just that. She smelled the flowers surrounding her and could hear the water flowing from the garden's fountain. Then suddenly she heard a guitar. She focused on it and couldn't help but love the sweet melody. Then a strong voice began to accompany it, singing along with the guitar, blending perfectly. Recognition then dawned on her. That was Enzo's voice. But she couldn't help it, Bonnie was drawn to it. It was like she was in a trance.

"Good." She heard Valerie, though it seemed farther away. "I want you to still focus on it but now open your eyes."

Bonnie did as she was told, the beautiful melody still blaring sweetly in her ears.

"Good. Now I want you to try to levitate this ball." Mary Lousise said, holding a volleyball.

"Are you sure? I could possibly set that ball and you on fire."

The blonde nodded. "On second thought, I'll let Valerie hold it." The girl in question rolled her eyes. "What? I'm not going to let my love get set on fire."

Valerie looked at Bonnie. "You won't set us on fire. Just continue to concentrate on whatever you were focusing on and try to pick up the ball with your mind. Don't think about it, just do it."

The new vampire-witch nodded before looking at the old ball. Taking a deep breath, she willed it to levitate, all the while keeping the music in her mind. The ball then flew up in the air before staying still.

Bonnie smiled. "I did it!"

All three girls smiled at her while Nora clapped. "Perfect."

Then suddenly the burnt gnome flew up in the air as well, along with the garden hose and the water in the tiny bird fountain.

"Dammit." Bonnie cursed.

"Don't beat your self up. You're a very powerful vampire-witch. This is nothing." Nora said.

"Besides, you're focusing incredibly well. With the way your excelling quickly, you're get this control in no time." Valerie replied.

"Yeah. I was for sure that you were going to burn that ball to a crisp." Mary Louise chimed in.

"Lu." Nora chided.

The blonde shrugged.

Bonnie laughed, starting to feel a thousand times lighter. She was getting there and soon she could be in full control again. She smiled brightly at the girls, the sweet music still playing in the background.

 **BEBEBEBE**

The rest of the day went really well. Bonnie was finally able to lift the ball and only the ball without letting all her senses and swirling emotions take control and burn it. The girls kept praising her during dinner as well as teasing her endlessly about the poor charred garden gnome and plastic frog. Everyone else seemed to have a field day with that. But Bonnie didn't mind. In fact she enjoyed it. It was only her first full day and yet they were already treating her like she was a part of the family. Bonnie couldn't help but really like them, even when they were drinking the help. It still ate her to see it, especially since there was an ache of wanting within her. But they never offered them to her, respecting her choice of sticking to blood-bags. The Heretic coven kept on intriguing her, more than she liked to admit. Overall, it was a great first day, even though she missed her friends terribly. But a part of her felt... relaxed without them, like she was able to fully focus on herself instead of whatever threat they had for that week. Bonnie felt guilty about it, but as she was lying in her bed and listening to Enzo's guitar playing coming from next door, she couldn't help but feel at peace.

That was until her nightmare came yet again.

"Bonnie." The voice came, waking her from the terrible dream.

She opened her eyes to see Enzo holding her yet again. Bonnie felt herself shaking in his hold, tears streaming down her face.

"Shhhh." He said soothingly, rubbing calming circles on her arms.

After taking a few deep breaths, Bonnie found herself breathing again. Feeling exhausted, she sank into his arms, letting her head resting against his chest. Trying to calm her whirling emotions, Bonnie started to hum the tune of the song she heard earlier.

"That's my song." Enzo softly said, amusement laced in his voice.

She looked up at him. "Your song? As in your wrote it?"

"I did."

"Wow. Y-you're really good." She mentally smacked herself.

"Thanks, Love."

Bonnie was then acutely aware of how close they were and moved away from his grasp.

Leaning against her bed frame, she cleared her throat and said, "Well, uh, thanks again. You know you really don't always have to be here. I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt for a second. I just can't help from trying to help." She smirked. "Besides, you may not need help, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to have someone be there for you."

"You don't even know me."

Enzo nodded. "True. Which is why I can see how this could be uncomfortable for you. I'll leave you alone." He got up from her bed.

"Wait." Bonnie said, making him stop and turn to look at her. "Why've you been ignoring me today?"

He gave her a perplexed look, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you haven't talked to me at all today even when we're sitting across from each other during every meal. Then suddenly you come and help me with my nightmare. What's up with that?"

He buried his hands in his pajama pockets and Bonnie tried to ignore how well he looked shirtless.

"I'm sorry if I offended you. I just know you must be feeling overwhelmed so I wanted to give you some space, especially since everyone wanted to talk to you."

"Oh." She said. "Okay, another question, why are you so nice to me? I get why the others are since I'm the first one to be slightly like them in a long time and Lily wants them to help me for her sons. But what do you get out of this? Last time I checked, you and Damon haven't been besties for a while."

"I don't know, I guess I see a fellow lonely soul."

"I'm not lonely." Bonnie said in defense.

He gave her a pointed look. "Whatever you say, love."

"I'm not! You don't know me." She repeated.

"That's where I think you're wrong. I've been watching you."

She snorted. "Yeah that's creepy at all."

"Well, I know you've been watching me too so I guess that makes you creepy as well."

Bonnie folded her arms. "Touché. But it still makes you look creepy."

"Again, I apologize if I make you feel uncomfortable. I'm not calling it as I see it."

"And what do you see?"

"You're trying desperately to tame your emotions and trying as fast as you can to get in back in control. You're trying to hold onto something but can't seem to know what. Especially since those nightmares keep on plaguing you even during the day."

Bonnie looked away. "And what makes you think you know all of this about me?"

"Because it takes one to know one, as they say."

"Oh."

"Now can I ask you a question?"

She shrugged. "Fine."

"Who's Kai?"

Bonnie tensed. "Where'd you hear that name?"

"You've said his name both last night and tonight."

"Oh." She sighed. "Kai's my sociopathic ex. When we broke up, he became a Heretic and out of revenge, he turned me."

"Did he know you'd be a vampire witch?"

"I have no idea. But once he found out, he tried to convince me to be with him again. Let's just say I refused. Now he's out there trying to get me back, harassing my friends while they're trying to deal with a vampire huntress after them. And here I am, not being able to help like I usually do because I'm a threat to them also."

"And that kills you doesn't it? Not being able to help your friends."

"Almost as worse as dying. Almost."

He let out a low whistle. "Well, if it's worth any constellation, you seem to be excelling pretty swiftly."

"Thanks, Stalker."

"You're very welcome Stalker." Enzo countered back, a teasing twinkle in his eyes.

Bonnie let out a small smile. "Seriously, thank you for helping."

"You're very welcome." He then stood up from her bed. "Well, I should let you rest. Have a goodnight."

And just like that, he was gone


End file.
